jueves, 8 de abril de 2010

Oh God! please give me a break

A new addition to the extended family. My sister P is pregnant. You should have seen her face while breaking the news to me. I've never seen so much pitty in her face. She is been one month thinking on how to tell me. I hate what death has done to my life. This new pregnancy is going to build a 1000 secrets among us. I am starting to sense that. Why now that I need her so much?

She is my BEST FRIEND. We have been BEST FRIENDS for 31 years. I don't know what to feel. The baby topic raised in our family. Those sad faces are becoming glad faces. She is so happy, she is blowing. And I can't share her happiness. My life is so hard right now. I can't be happy even for the ones I love the most. I am starting to feel far from them because they feel joyful and I can't. The pain is setting me apart from my people: S.O.S

I use to spend a considerable amount of time with my sister, but watching her belly grow will be hard. Can you imagine how the baby topic will start to increase its share in family gatherings? How far are you? Is it boy or girl? How do you feel? And my grief and I just trying to remain cool. Oh God! please give me a break.

1 comentario:

  1. We had trouble conceiving both before and after Malou died, and SO many friends, family and co-workers got pregnant in that time...it was horrible. I just couldn't act happy for them, because I was so sad. And even now that I finally have a living baby in my arms, I still get a pang whenever I hear that someone is pregnant. I don't know why it is easy for some people and hard for others, why some babies die and others don't. And actually, I don't know why babies die period. I never will. Life is just not fair, but I hope you don't beat yourself up over needing space from this "joyful" news from your sister. I hope your family understands...it is just too soon.

    PS Ines's picture is beautiful. What a darling girl.