Ok. Rainbow baby is not a boy. Rainbow baby is a girl, we put her Emilia.
Howcome?? I got this news someweeks ago, and I am very happy. I know that Inés will never be here and that this baby is a complete different human being. But I also think that many dreams have come back, like giving Isabel a little sister. It is her dream to have a sister, and I am SO SO SO happy to have this chance again. I have deep afffection for my sisters, they are my best friends and they have been so supportive throughout my life that I will to provide Isabel with such a possibility. I know that in the end a strong relation between sisters depend on many other factors other than the gender, however I have been willing just for the chance of her to build such relation. I am so joyful riht now, even in this tough days when Inés first birthday is about to come.
B and I discussed about what to do on that day and we have being sharing similar ideas. First, Ines´ashes are at home and we now feel ready to put them in her crypt (yes it took us a year to take her there), and her first birthday is a good day for doing it, I feel prepared. It must have been great that instead we could be planning her first party but I have to accept that I am excited about her birthday, even if it will be just about remembering her. I really want to honor her during all January 2, 2011.
B and I feel we want to share this upcoming day just with Isabel and Emilia, just our family. However, some family members have asked us about what is going on that day, so we might do a special mass that sunday evening with some family and friends. I might appear like a freak but I am excited about preparing a special day for my beautiful baby Inés.
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta New hopes. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta New hopes. Mostrar todas las entradas
jueves, 23 de diciembre de 2010
lunes, 6 de septiembre de 2010
And here go again!
Hey! It seems that life is returning some of what we recently lost. Of course Inés is gone from this life but some of the dreams we made are back, like bringing a new family member to this world and hoping for a new life. So yes, we are pregnant again. We were not exactly looking forward to happen in this precise moment. But it just happened. And I am happy. I stopped the pill but we were counting the days so I guess it did not worked and I am pregnant for the third time in my life. Yes, I am very happy. I feel joy and I thank God and life because I did not go through the process of 'trying' which can be a little bit stressful for BLMs (and fathers).
I am somehow stressed, because I should have waited a little longer because of the C-Section. However I talked to my practitioner and he is not concerned, he told me that after 6 months it is pretty safe. I hope this time what is less possible "stays" as less possible. Last time the less possible became a fact. Can this time life play to my favor? Yes that is THE QUESTION OF MANY BLMs.
Eventhough I was so excited to see the pregnancy test result, it was not the same as before loosing Inés. I lost a daughter and I lost my inocence. Know I REALLY know that in life there are just two things that are certain: The first one is that life is uncertain and the second one is that one day we will eventually die. So I just know that sooner or later this new baby and me will say goodbye, because we will eventually die. I just hope this time we can get to meet each other and share a lot of time in this life (please). When I saw the result, I also felt some sadness because I knew that there is a very very long and complex process to go through before the day I can finally hold that baby alife at home. So many things can go wrong.
A million questions are raising inside my head. Because I am now very aware about everything that can go wrong. But I won't allow myself to get overstressed, because I also learned that we humans can't control everything. So in my country we say "Get loose and cooperate" when we are super challenged.
B is super happy, but let's see how we deal with this during the next months.
Inés I love you and I know you are very very happy that a new sibling is coming to join our family, your family. I know she is going to love you like us. We all love you with all our hearts. I send you many kisses.
I am somehow stressed, because I should have waited a little longer because of the C-Section. However I talked to my practitioner and he is not concerned, he told me that after 6 months it is pretty safe. I hope this time what is less possible "stays" as less possible. Last time the less possible became a fact. Can this time life play to my favor? Yes that is THE QUESTION OF MANY BLMs.
Eventhough I was so excited to see the pregnancy test result, it was not the same as before loosing Inés. I lost a daughter and I lost my inocence. Know I REALLY know that in life there are just two things that are certain: The first one is that life is uncertain and the second one is that one day we will eventually die. So I just know that sooner or later this new baby and me will say goodbye, because we will eventually die. I just hope this time we can get to meet each other and share a lot of time in this life (please). When I saw the result, I also felt some sadness because I knew that there is a very very long and complex process to go through before the day I can finally hold that baby alife at home. So many things can go wrong.
A million questions are raising inside my head. Because I am now very aware about everything that can go wrong. But I won't allow myself to get overstressed, because I also learned that we humans can't control everything. So in my country we say "Get loose and cooperate" when we are super challenged.
B is super happy, but let's see how we deal with this during the next months.
Inés I love you and I know you are very very happy that a new sibling is coming to join our family, your family. I know she is going to love you like us. We all love you with all our hearts. I send you many kisses.
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