domingo, 21 de marzo de 2010

What Isabel says...

The first weeks after Ines died; I felt physically and mentally drained. Parenting Isabel during that period put additional stress to my grief. It was also heartbreaking to see her grieving. Some of the most heartbreaking comments she made to me were:

• Her answer when we told her that Ines had died just after she was born, we were at the hospital’s room: “Mommy, I am sorry Ines got seriously ill. If she had just cached a cough maybe we could have given her the “white” medicine you give me, that would have cured her and everything would be fine now.”(...)“I brought her this present (she took out of her pocket a little piñata) I was so excited to show her this piñata and many things more I have at home.”

• Also at the hospital she said: “What are we going to do with all her stuff, we bought many things for her, I want to keep the little bear we bought for her crib.” Maybe all of us were thinking exactly on that but nobody wanted to talk about it.

• One day at home, she entered my room and I was sitting in my bed crying, then she told me: “Mommy, I am sorry you are so sad. You know what I think? One day which is not today, your belly will start growing again and you will have another baby that will live. I’m sure that is going to happen one day, which is not today.”

• Several weeks after Ines died I pick her up at preschool. She said to me: “Mommy, I am happy. I magician came to school today. He gave me special powers. I am thinking that maybe with such powers I can wake up my little sister Inés and we all will be very happy again.”

• One day after her ballet lesson, “Mommy, Ines is missing and that makes me sad. You told me she was going to be born very little but that one day she and I were going to play together in our garden. Death people never grow or play, I guess I will never get to play with her.”

• One day while reading a story at mighttime she said: “Mommy we are two good friends right? You are my best friend. Do you remember that Ines was going to be our best friend too? But she died, poor little Ines.”

• At an elevator a stranger starts a conversation with Isabel and asks her name, then she asked me if she is my only daughter and I said “yes”. I didn’t want to explain anything, it was too recent. But Isabel then said: “She had another daughter, but she died when she was born few days ago”. The stranger was shocked.

• I live in a condo (I live in a huge city of 20 million people. Condos are the common place to live in) and I met in the parking lot this 4 year old little girl that is Isabel’s friend. Her parents know what happened to our baby, but I guess she doesn’t. When I saw her with her daddy she said to me: “Hi Isabel’s mom, do you remember you had a baby in you belly? Where is that baby? I never see her."

I just love how clear, direct and concise kids can be. When we grow up we just become cumbersome. I am glad I have Isabel because at the end her words have help me to go through. Even if sometimes I am not willing to talk and think that Ines is missing and that I might have A LIFETIME AHEAD TO REMEMBER HER.

No hay comentarios:

Publicar un comentario