Lifetime sentenced to pain

When I got the horrible news that Inés had died, I felt that I had just been subject to a lifetime sentence to pain. I felt so disgraceful, why me, why someone can be subject of such tragedy. I never wanted to become part of parents who have lost a child.

I see her pictures and I see how beuatiful she was. And I just can't fully accept I lost her. I lost the one thing people fear the most to loose, a child. I am part of such group of people. I sometimes I still feel shocked by such hard reality: I am a parent who has survived the loss of a child. I say it and still feel is a very strong statement. I can't believe it happened to me.

When I saw her the first time, she was already death, she in fact died one hour before I could see her for the first time. I remember I was shocked by her beauty. Really. I had never seen before a newborn with such beautiful full and long eyelashes, see the picture. Unfortunately, this picture was taken when she had been death for 12 hours, so her face shows already the rigor mortis of a death person. But she still looks beautiful and I bet she was going to be a beautiful girl and woman. She had this very perfect mouth. She looked like her sister Isabel, her body was really similar, her legs and toes were identical, but Ines was a bit bigger.

Oh Inés. It just hurts so much to think that I don't even know how much I am missing by not having you. If just something didn't follow the course of actions that in fact occured you might be here, with your family, just about to turn a year old. I will always wonder what if.

LUV U ALWAYS