11 weeks and many memories

I am 11 weeks pregnant. Nausea has been really tough. However B told me, "hey you don't have nausea these time, I am glad for you". In fact I have this terrible nausea but I just don't complain. I have been experiencing my all day sickness, but no one knows. Whenever, I feel very very sick I just think "worse things can happen".

I dunno why but I have been thinking a lot in some moments that marked my life forever. One moment when I heard the news that Inés died. What a shock. I still feel the shock. My daughter died. I had dream pregnancy. My daughter weight 8 pounds but she died. Howcome. The other moment I remember as painful as hell was when I woke up the next morning. Do not think I slept 8 hours, I slept two hours, from 4 to 6 am. When I woke up I just cried and scream. I ask B to bring her. I saw her, dead again, no change, no hope, she was dead forever. My pain was DEEP DEEP STRONG STRONG AND ACCUTE ACCUTE.

At that time we did not certainly knew what had happened to her. She stop moving, I went to the hospital, we found out her heart rate was not right, she was born in an emergency c-section, she struggle all the time after being born, she died one hour after. All tests were done to the placenta and cord to check if they failed at some point. But they did not. During day two the Dr. gave us another diagnostic, that she have died because of a heart failure due to a neural defect. Months after I found that 'his' diagnostic was not real, the Nactional Research Institute of Cardiology confirm to me that such diagnostic was not only not accurate, was faux. It is such an extra pain to find out that your doctor is just a moron. Then you feel very lonley.